There is a Girl Named Sue, and She is Merry
by A Touch of Insanity
Summary: What happened after the end of Catching Fire and the author left us with that awful cliffhanger? Definitely NOT this...


Okay, so this is a parody of terrible Mary Sue fics. The stuff in bold is the "author". Not me. So, yeah...

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Author/Narrator: Hey, guys! It's Chuck! I wrote this because I love Peeta and the Hunger Games! I hope you like it! Don't forget to leave me a bunch of reviews because I love you!**

I cannot comprehend the idea of my district in danger. Gale closes his hand around mine, to console me, but it's empty. I pull the tubes from my arm again, and this time no one stops me. For the first time in what seems like years, I want my head clear. I want to live in my misery with the sharpness of a focused mind. It was all my fault. My home was destroyed because I couldn't simply follow their rules. I stand and leave the room. I need to find Haymitch. He may have betrayed me, but he'll know what I should do.

I charge down the halls, realizing quickly that I have no idea where I'm going. There's no one in the halls, no one I can ask for directions, so I duck into a room. I see hundreds of monitors, all hooked up to what looks to be a three dimensional training sim. In the center of the room is a girl about my age, her body twisting into all sorts of strange positions as she defeats the simulation's many aggressors. Her hair is a pale pink, like the sky at sunrise, so I assume that she's from the capitol. The sim ends and she turns to me, not even panting. I immediately realize that she couldn't be from the capitol because while she is infinitely more beautiful than even myself, it looks entirely natural, none of the surgical enhancements so common among the ultra-fashionable capitol folk.

"You are Katniss Everdeen," she says, her voice more melodic than any mockingjay. "I had hoped we might meet. I am Lilliana Serenity Rose Renesmee Saphire Swan. But you can call me Chuck, because that's spunky." I am immediately overwhelmed by how interesting she is. Her eyes are a shocking, piercing violet, and she's the most graceful person I have ever laid eyes on, like a leaf in the wind. She's daring, intelligent, and would make an amazing leader.

"Could you help me? I have to find Haymitch because I realized that it's all my fault that my entire district was destroyed and he'll know what to do." I start crying, and she comforts me expertly. It can only be a sign of her own tragedy.

"I'll help you. I'm from District 13, actually. When I was very young, an old woman made a prophecy about me and said that I'd save the world. The capitol sent people who killed my entire family and all of my friends, but I narrowly escaped. Since then, I've become excellent at hand-to-hand combat and discovered that I have magical powers. I'd love to help you." She would be perfect for helping me defeat the capitol. I could tell that we were going to be the best of friends, even though I've never had a female friend before. We'd have to share our stories with each other and talk about boys and braid each others' hair. She could be like the sister I never had, well, not like Prim.

"Wow. You're so qualified. Would you like to help me save Peeta? I could really use a friend."

"Oh, Haymitch and Plutarch are this way," she says, leading me down the hall. "I've been helping them because I have an intimate knowledge of my district and I know that I have to defeat the capitol." We go to a room where Plutarch and Haymitch sit at a table. I tell them about how guilty I feel, and Haymitch tries to be nice in that drunk way of his. Then Gale comes in. I can see immediately that there seems to be some sort of love-at-first-sight thing between him and Chuck. We all discuss how we're going to save everyone, and Chuck has a lot of good ideas. Even Haymitch thinks so. Just then, Finnick comes in, telling us that we've arrived in District 13. Finnick takes one look at Chuck, and stops. It looks like all thoughts of Annie have been immediately forgotten. Gale seems to see this and gets all competitive about it.

When we land in the forgotten district, Chuck takes us to her underground lair. It's incredibly high tech, because, as she informs us, she's learned how to program and build computers, in addition to being a skilled mechanic. Not only that, but many of the technology is magically enhanced, something she says she learned while at a mystical place she calls Hogwarts. Chuck has this incredible idea to simply have a live broadcast on tv to tell the capitol that since most of the districts are rebelling, they should probably just give up and give us back our hostages. We all agree that she's the most charismatic of us all, even more so than Peeta, who I miss terribly. I love him so much and I have to save him. We set up the broadcasting equipment, and Chuck stands in front of the camera, her long hair flowing behind her as if there's a light breeze, but there isn't.

"Please," she says hypnotically. "You have to let our friends go. What you're doing is wrong. If you don't, we'll have to make you do it." Seconds later, the capitol sends us a video of President Snow.

"Of course," he says. "Why don't you just come down here and pick them up?" Chuck agrees quickly, but when Snow goes away, she looks at us, her eyes hard like diamonds.

"It's a trap." We all look around, afraid. "But it's okay, I know what to do. We have to go anyway. Then I can get in using these super secret codes I found when I was bored and hacking databases one day. We'll save them, I promise. I have an entire weapons arsenal that will guarantee it. And a super fast train that I built underground that leads directly to the capitol."

"Wow," we all say in unison. "You're so prepared, Chuck." She smiles and blushes, claiming that it's nothing. I can tell that Finnick and Gale have fallen even more in love with her.

In her weapons arsenal, Chuck gives me a silver bow and some arrows, saying, "You look like more of bow-and-arrow person than a gun or sword person." I'm immediately astounded by just how perceptive she is. We all get into the train with our weapons. All I can think about is how sad I am about my district and about Peeta. I wish that I could see all of my old friends again. Or my old house. Everything is so nostalgic.

We arrive at the capitol in only minutes; Chuck's train is really fast. Chuck, Finnick, Gale, and I all sneak in using the codes that she found. We travel down the halls quietly, entirely sure of where we're going because she has a map of the building memorized from the time they captured her and she escaped. Whenever a guard or someone sees us, Chuck incapacitates them quickly and quietly, ever the efficient and merciful killer. She leads us right to the room where Peeta is being held and we break him free. He's so happy to see us. I notice that he stares at Chuck a little longer than the rest of us. If he is falling in love with her, I'm okay with that, since she's so much more talented than I am. He deserves someone more like her.

We're heading back down the hall with Peeta when we see President Snow and all of his evil capitol minions. There must be a hundred of them. Chuck falters; she doesn't think she can knock out all of them.

"I'll help you," I tell her. "The rest can go to safety. We can stand and fight." She nods and we try to make the three boys go back down the hall to the train, but they love her too much to let her fight alone. There's immediately a crazy fight. As I shoot down minions with my arrows, I can see Chuck using her magic and fighting skills to take down dozens, but it's not enough. I feel a bullet enter my skin, then several more. I start going down. Chuck immediately turns and notices.

"No!" she yells. "Katniss! You're like a sister to me! I won't let you die!" I shake my head, getting fuzzy and woozy from blood loss.

"Go. Save them all. Only you can do it." She nods, understanding me. "And guys, Chuck's been through a lot. You need to love her because she's been traumatized and she's fragile emotionally. Promise me you'll look after her." Gale, Peeta, and Finnick all nod.

"I swear," Gale says. "You were always like my best friend and sister. I'll do whatever you say and keep her safe." The other two boys agree. I take down one more minion before the world goes black. My last thought is _thank heavens Chuck is here to save everyone._

**Hey! Did you like it!? Leave me a bunch of reviews and I'll continue it where Katniss lives! Okay? Plz!!!**

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**I'm sorry...I wrote crap on purpose. Yes, I do feel ashamed.


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